Absolutely, job security is never a given. As someone who’s been laid off due to company closure, company relocation or the usual business reasons at least 4 times during the course of my career, I know that to be true.

But please don’t put words in my mouth. I never said, “telling ourselves that we do not deserve to be happy or satisfied in our lives is “maturity.” What I said was that sometimes employees who may not be thrilled about every aspect of their jobs will decide that, when all things are considered, they’re willing to put up with various dissatisfactions for the sake of their families, maybe not forever, but for a time.

Being an agnostic, i do believe that every individual should strive to reach their fullest potential in life, but that’s not saying that the pros and cons of any given situation shouldn’t be weighed and considered thoughtfully, as well as the impact of one’s own decisions on those closest to you, before making significant changes, such as a job change. I think, based on your latest reply, that’s something we both agree on.

And i absolutely agree that no one should have to bear the ordeal of a job they absolutely hate. Life is too short, and the rewards of such a job, such as a paycheck, are probably negligible compared to the stress and damage it does to one’s psyche. Judging from your evident passion on the subject, it sounds like this is something you have personal experience with, and for that i am sorry.

You said: “There is a balance that can be found. It is possible to pursue our own happiness while meeting our responsibilities at home. Using family as an “excuse” not to seek our own satisfaction will only result in resentment. A family does not mean becoming a slave to other people. Pursuing our own happiness will result in a better family environment in the long run. It isn’t always about “security” or money. Love is the most important thing in any familial relationship.”

And you know what? I absolutely agree!

You say: “It is interesting that seeking personal satisfaction in every aspect of our lives is unrealistic. Isn’t that what life is about?”

Well, this is turning into quite a philosophical discussion, and there are some who who disagree that personal happiness is the highest thing we could strive for. Others might say, for example, that making the world a better place is more important. Many people devote their lives to some cause they feel personally committed to. They’re not worrying about their personal happiness because that often comes of its own accord.

Personally, I think it’s a combination of the two. And there are many people, millions who live in third world countries, who don’t have the luxury of pondering what will make them happy. They’re too busy scrounging for the day’s meal or a safe place to sleep. Your preoccupation with personal happiness is typical of self-absorbed Americans. (Sorry.)

Despite your having labeled my concern for considering the welfare of one’s family when making career moves as “excuses,” I stand by what i say. And, it may surprise you to know that I am single.

You say: “What I see as being selfish is blaming our feelings of inadequacies on someone or something else. It all falls into our control. We make the choice to pursue our goals, our satisfaction and our happiness. I don’t think that is naive or immature.”

I absolutely agree. As i mentioned, my religious beliefs are such that i believe in creating one’s own destiny, right now, here on earth, because there is nothing else. Our lives are what we choose to make them. Carpe diem.

First things first, there is no such thing as job security. Anyone could lose their job for a variety of reasons, reasons beyond anyone’s control. We are all subject to outsourcing, company bankruptcy or down-sizing. Each of us is replaceable when we work for someone else.

I agree that the majority of people will find themselves falling somewhere in the middle of the love/hate scale when it comes to their work. There are many aspects of most jobs that are rewarding; the feeling of comradery with your co-workers, the challenge of the task at hand, feelings of accomplishment.

Despite these positive aspects of work, sometimes people burnout & are no longer happy in their careers. These are the people to whom I speak to. Those people who dread the thought of having to drag themselves through the door to make it through another day. People who are unhappy with their work also tend to be unhappy in their lives. Believing that “much of life works this way” is not acceptable to me. As individuals we are solely responsible for our situations in life and telling ourselves that we do not deserve to be happy or satisfied in our lives is not “maturity”. It is accepting defeat. Instead of pushing for a better life, we are giving up.

“Those who have a family to support will be even less inclined to take big risks by quitting a job they’re not enamored of, and understandably so. Today’s job market is not one that encourages this kind of risk-taking when long-term unemployment or underemployment could be the likely result.”

Quitting a job does not need to be risky if it is planned appropriately. I do not endorse walking into your workplace and handing in your resignation without proper preparation. In my article I recommend a number of ways to prepare yourself for leaving your job. It is important to plan any major change in your lifestyle, especially in a job market as unstable as the one we are currently in. A well-considered plan could lead to great opportunity, regardless of what the market is doing. It is simply a matter of educating yourself about the risks involved with your pursuits & doing all that you can to ensure your success when the day comes to leave your job.

Those who have a family are not any less entitled to fulfillment in their lives. Yes, it is true that people who have a husband/wife and/or children will need to consider the ramifications their actions will have on the lives of others. That shouldn’t mean that a husband should have to work at a job he hates every single day in order to provide for his family.

As I mentioned above, people who are unhappy in their jobs are also unhappy in their lives. Most people think they can seperate their work lives from their personal lives. I disagree. When someone has a bad day at work, it comes home with them. If they are bringing the stress of work home with them, are they being as good of a spouse or parent as they could be? In 18 years from today, will your child pride themselves on the fact that their parents worked a job where they were unhappy in order to provide a stable life for them? Will you grow to resent the ones you love because you convinced yourself that their lives were more important than your own?

There is a balance that can be found. It is possible to pursue our own happiness while meeting our responsibilities at home. Using family as an “excuse” not to seek our own satisfaction will only result in resentment. A family does not mean becoming a slave to other people. Pursuing our own happiness will result in a better family environment in the long run. It isn’t always about “security” or money. Love is the most important thing in any familial relationship.

“I don’t think your statement: “Staying in a position in order to maintain respect, or any reason, is ridiculous. We should be seeking satisfaction in every way possible, including our careers.” is realistic. While personal fulfullment is great, as we grow older, most of us learn that there are more important things in life than selfish pursuit of Happiness, whatever that means, to the exclusion of, perhaps, providing as well as we could for our families.”

It is interesting that seeking personal satisfaction in every aspect of our lives is unrealistic. Isn’t that what life is about? We are on this Earth for a finite amount of time, time which we can never regain no matter how hard we try & for no amount of money. Each moment that slips by is another moment gone. Why should we accept our lives the way they are if we are not satisfied or if we are unhappy? It makes no sense to spend life knowing that we could be doing better for ourselves, yet making a conscience decision not to.

Is the pursuit of happiness really selfish? Why not work at a job that provides you with satisfaction and allows more time with your children? An afternoon with mommy and daddy is more valuable to them than any amount of money, especially money that is a burdeon for their parents to earn.

Using the excuse of “providing as well as we could for our families” is nothing more than projecting an unwillingness to change your situation onto our families. Instead of analyzing the real reason we don’t pursue our dreams, maybe fear or insecurity, it is easier to use a socially acceptable excuse such as family. Using our family as the reason we stay in a job which makes us unhappy is basically saying that our family is the reason for our unhappiness. “I stay in this job I hate because of my family.”

Life is short, life is limited. We all deserve happiness, whatever that is to us as an individual. Maybe providing for your family is what makes you happy, but if you hate your job it doesn’t make sense to stay in it. There are always other jobs out there, and since there is no such thing as job security, there is no reason a person shouldn’t be out looking for a way to earn a living that makes them happy.

What I see as being selfish is blaming our feelings of inadequacies on someone or something else. It all falls into our control. We make the choice to pursue our goals, our satisfaction and our happiness. I don’t think that is naive or immature.

I’m not suggesting we avoid taking all risks if we have a family, but to ensure that in our decision-making process about major life changes that we consider the impact that quitting a job may have on family income, for example. I think that’s reasonable.

and yes, Steven, i do believe that once you have a family, it’s not all about you anymore. To recognize that is a sign of maturity. Sometimes, sacrifice and compromise is necessary, maybe not forever, but for a time. Each situation is different. I sense some hostility from you in your reply, and I’m sorry we disagree, but this is a blog where, hopefully, many opinions are welcome.

I know that it can be tempting to avoid taking risks when you have a family. After all, you’re providing for others, and their consideration has to be taken into account in all decisions. Everyone with a family they care for is in that situation.

I think what Steven meant in the statement you referenced was that staying in a job just for respect isn’t good. If I’m understanding what he meant, doing that is just gratifying your ego and not pursuing something better

But I do believe that dreams always have their place in our hearts, even if we are the sole breadwinner in the family. Even if we have to take baby steps, we can still get there if we don’t give up. I think there’s always a way to make things happen in safe, responsible way, if you don’t give up looking for it.

Thanks for taking the time to write in!

It is also interesting to me that you seem to equate accepting less than perfect circumstances for maturity.

To each their own, though I prefer to strive for excellence & perfection in my own life and not create excuses to explain my shortcomings.

Those who have a family to support will be even less inclined to take big risks by quitting a job they’re not enamored of, and understandably so. Today’s job market is not one that encourages this kind of risk-taking when long-term unemployment or underemployment could be the likely result.

I don’t think your statement: “Staying in a position in order to maintain respect, or any reason, is ridiculous. We should be seeking satisfaction in every way possible, including our careers.” is realistic. While personal fulfullment is great, as we grow older, most of us learn that there are more important things in life than selfish pursuit of Happiness, whatever that means, to the exclusion of, perhaps, providing as well as we could for our families.